Let You Go
by Caz Malfoy
Summary: SLASH. Tim knew he had to let Horatio go, even though it broke his heart to do it.


_Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:Miami or the lyrics used. No profit is being made._

Let You Go

In the summer of 2004 Tim Speedle had been shot in the line of duty. The shot hadn't been fatal, much to everyone's relief. But it was still enough to keep Tim off of active duty.

After grueling weeks and months of intense physiotherapy Tim had left Miami Dade, the crime lab, the beach and his colleagues.

Calleigh and Eric thought that Miami and the nightmares the city provoked were just too much too soon for the CSI. Only Alexx and Horatio knew that real reason why he was leaving. Tim had never been able to keep anything from Alexx who was the mother he never had. Horatio was only aware of Tim's reasons because the Lieutenant _was _the reason.

For almost six months before he got wounded Horatio and Tim had been seeing each other in secret. No one at the lab knew – the only person Tim had confided in was Alexx.

Four months in the relationship appeared to be still going strong. The secrecy put strain on both men as was to be expected, but it didn't seem to be anything that they couldn't get past.

Tim had confided in Horatio. Told him things he had never told anyone else – not even Alexx – about his past and family. There was something about Horatio Caine that instinctively made you trust him.

Two weeks before their six month anniversary Tim noticed a shift in Horatio's personality. Tim had known, and been with Horatio for long enough to notice that something was wrong. Horatio became quiet and distant with Tim, choosing to spend time at the office mulling over the latest lead or a cold case.

Tim wasn't a fool, he knew that Horatio had something on his mind. Thoughts he needed to get in order before he acted. And Tim tried to give Horatio all the space he needed. The last thing the New Yorker wanted was to make his lover feel like he was being suffocated.

Everything seemed to revert back to normal when Tim got shot, Horatio's protectiveness and loving nature had been so clear to Tim until that moment. Any doubts that Horatio may have been having seemed to have been obliterated by the knowledge that he almost lost Tim.

But three months after the injury, Tim realized that Horatio's doubts had resurfaced. Horatio told Tim that his feelings for him had changed. He said that he still cared deeply for Tim but the love he had once felt was no longer there.

Tim had felt like his lungs had been inflated rapidly only to have them deflated just as quickly. Horatio went on to say that Tim did nothing wrong; that it was Horatio's fault for not realizing how he felt sooner. He hadn't wanted to tell Tim so soon after being shot and cause more stress for the CSI.

Tim could barely hear what Horatio was saying over the rushing of blood in his ears. Every word and reason that fell from Horatio's lips regarding his actions, felt like ice slicing through Tim's chest and piercing his heart with painful spikes.

Leaving Miami was not something Tim thought he would ever find himself doing. After the events of his past he finally thought he'd found his place in the lab.

While leaving Miami was hard, returning was even harder. He had received a letter from Alexx – having been instructed to advise her of any change of address, like a parole officer. Tim hadn't been stupid enough to tell her this.

The letter had received was as warm and caring as one would expect from Alexx. It had been the last line that had made Tim's breath catch in his throat and his heart start to ache.

Horatio's wedding was in two weeks. His love was getting married to someone else. He just had to see it for himself before he believed it was true. So he had returned to Miami to see it with his own eyes.

As he stood on Horatio's porch he couldn't believe he was in front of the house he never thought he would see again. All the memories came rushing back along with the familiar pain.

Horatio was sitting on the couch, watching the television with a bored expression on his face.

Before Tim realized it he had raised his hand and knocked on the hard wood.

When the door opened a look of surprise washed across Horatio's face. "Speed?" he asked, disbelief lacing his voice.

"Hey, H," Tim found himself replying, plastering a false smile on his face – all the while trying to fight down the feeling that had been awoken by seeing Horatio again.

Still stunned at seeing his ex-lover again, Horatio stepped aside and let Tim into the house.

For the next hour Tim and Horatio made small talk, both avoiding the reason behind Tim's exit two years before.

"I'm getting married," Horatio said nervously as Tim was on his way back to his bike.

"Yeah, I heard," Tim replied, uncaring about the bitterness in his voice. "Delko's sister, Marisol. Alexx told me."

"Oh," Horatio whispered. "You can stay for the wedding if you want," he eventually mumbled.

Tim felt his stomach tighten. The last thing he wanted was to see the man he loved marry his best friend's sister. "I can't," he said quietly. "I think it's for the best if I leave again."

Horatio looked crestfallen at Tim's refusal, even though both knew deep down that Tim would never agree to stay. "Yeah," Horatio agreed reluctantly. "Probably for the best. Take care of yourself, Speed," he smiled.

Tim grinned sadly. "Yeah," he murmured. "You too, H."

He reached in his pocket for his keys, his hands shaking a little as he pulled them out. On the bottom step he paused and turned back to Horatio. He tried to find something to say, anything that fit the moment. His heart was pushing him to tell Horatio that he still loved him. But his brain was reminding him that Horatio had moved on. He was in love with someone else. He was happy.

"Congratulations, Horatio," he whispered, finally managing a smile.

Horatio smiled as well, his bright blue eyes sad. "Thanks, Tim. Keep in touch."

Tim shrugged, not bothering to agree since they knew that it wouldn't happen.

No other words were spoken as Tim stepped off of the porch, heading towards his bike. He had to leave Horatio again. Happiness was what Horatio deserved – after everything the redhead had trusted him enough to tell, Tim knew this.

And Tim loved him too much to deny him his happiness. Even though it broke his heart to walk away.

_I realize you're_ _seeing someone new  
__I don't believe she knows you like I do  
__Your temperamental, moody side  
__The one you always try to hide from me_

_But I know when you have something on your mind  
__You've been trying to tell me  
__For the longest time  
__And before you break my heart in two  
__There's something I've been trying  
__To say to you_

_But the words get in the way  
__There's so much I want to say  
__But it's locked deep inside  
__And if you look in my eyes  
__We might fall in love again_

_Won't even start to cry  
__And before we say goodbye  
__I try to say I love you  
__But the words got in the way.  
- _Words got in the way, Gloria Estefan

The End


End file.
